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June 20th, 2009

jyuukoi: soylent @ IJ (my own work) (Kurogane - Time won't give me time)
Saturday, June 20th, 2009 05:32 pm
I will seldom talk about my feelings on this journal. Why, you must ask? Because a single post cannot successfully convey the extent of my feelings which are usually powerful and sometimes even destructive in nature. My emotions are succiently scorpio (due to my rising sign), I feel things to the extremes and usually I feel them at the same time, I am all of those feelings that you don't want to admit that you have but still just linger there underneath the surface and are ready to rear their ugly head.

Also feelings have gotten me into trouble several times, it's better overall for me to pretend that they do not exist, because I'm a virgo and analytical by nature, it's easy for me to treat them as if I was merely viewing them underneath some clinical microscope lens. I grow detached from them if they give an excess of problems, I usually also stick them under glass cases for future observing. Yes it hurts many people, but it's a survival technique that I've learned and I've never been in situation where I haven't needed that in order to a.) stay sane and b.) pick up the pieces in the event of a deep and gashing fissure.

Death is and never will be an option for me, I've survived too much in my life to even countenance the thought of myself taking my own life, however sometimes I get these rouge thoughts that are eerily similar to any statement of "I'm going to kill myself" but they come in innocuous little remarks like "If I could just fall asleep and never wake up, wouldn't that be nice?". Once again I'd never kill myself, I think it's the fool and the coward way out.

I don't know what else I'm going to say honestly.